And so the tour ends

I would like to preface this post with a very obvious caveat: the comparison between Parisians and Americans will be rife with stereotypes. Over the course of my three months, I met many different people who had many different attitudes, philosophies, and mannerisms. I am doing this comparison to give you an idea of some of the major differences between my life here and my life there. I'll finish this commentary with an introspective "what can I take away from this experience" section. Enjoy my musings!

Part 1-- In Public
Americans are much louder and more open than Parisians in public. This is an obvious fact. On the metro, the Parisians plug in their headphones, take out their phones, or read the newspaper silently. For the city of love, its native population sure spends a lot of its time alone ignoring the world. A propos to that, those who aren't alone and happen to be with their significant other are not shy about their affection in public. This is one of those assumptions about Paris that is actually true. People are all over each other on the metro, on park benches... it doesn't matter where. I finally asked someone about it, and the mentality is this: Parisian couples do not touch each other, and generally don't even interact that much when they're with a bunch of friends or at a party with a bunch of people they know, because that would be rude and make their friends uncomfortable. They are at this group function to talk to other people, so that's what they'll do. On the other hand, on the subway and out in public, they are with a bunch of people they don't know and will never see again, so the only two people that matter to them are the two of them... so they do whatever they want. The logic is different, but not nearly as flawed as I originally thought it.

Part 2-- Interaction With Strangers
For the most part, you don't. A few of my friends had trouble at the beginning with giving men the wrong signal and one was actually followed home, but in general, everyone tends to ignore each other. No one smiles on the metro, for that's considered flirtation. If you talk to someone of the opposite gender, it's definitely flirtation. People also don't care if you're struggling with something (NOTE: This is NOT always true. I was helped twice with my luggage on the way to the airport), and will generally walk right past you. Finally, it's totally acceptable in Paris to completely ignore people who speak to you if you don't want to deal with them. Beggars and do-gooders alike get the good old Parisian brush off, which is pretty much just to walk by them with your head down. If you make eye contact, you're obliged to say "no" though "no thank you" is optional. I've developed a pretty nasty Parisian brush off that I should probably work on getting rid of now that I'm back in the friendly old Midwest.

Part 3-- The Eating Scene
Lots of little differences here. The nicest one that I already miss very much is that tax and tip are included in the food price. This is true at restaurants, cafes, and grocery stores alike, and it makes figuring out how much to spend/how to divide the cost between people. Splitting the check has never been and will never been easier. Another difference is the sheer amount of cafes and restaurants per square meter is much much larger in Paris. On the street that I took my classes on, which stretched about 5 or 6 blocks, there were two grocery stores, at least 4 sandwich shops/bakeries, 4 to 5 cafes, a few more restaurants/bars, and then a bunch of retail. But that's so much food for one street! I had special things that I liked at each sandwich shop-- the eclairs at one, the donuts at another, the paninis at one vs the "pizza" at another... lunch was always a very exciting time of day for me because I just couldn't go wrong. The interaction between waiter and clients at restaurants is also quite different. Because waiters are paid a living wage, they don't expect a tip. It's called a "pourboire" in French, which literally means "for drinking" and implies that if you leave extra money, that's what the waiter will use it for-- they don't need it to survive. Waiters not receiving tips means what you think it might mean-- they're not exactly that friendly. No small talk, no extra effort to make your life easier/your dining experience better. They get paid even if there's no one in the restaurant so they just don't care. Two more quick additions to this subject of waiters: the story of "relaxed" service is absolutely true everywhere. You just don't get through your meals quickly, so if you're in a hurry, drop in to a bakery and take it to go. Finally, they don't bring the tip until you ask for it. I really like this about French service. Sometimes in America, I can feel the waiter literally willing me out the door with his mind so that he can turn the table, so he dumps the check on my table early on and keeps swooping by to see if I'm ready to pay yet. I really like that Parisians assume you know your own schedule and let you stick to it on the slow end (though God help you if you try to rush them)-- that means you can feel free to sit and chat for as long as you'd like. Eventually, they might ask you to buy a drink or something, but they're remarkably patient in this regard.

Part 4-- Interaction with Friends/Family/Acquaintances
This is where the everyone is different rule comes even more into effect. I have had experiences with acquaintances who wanted to do the cheek kiss every time (one on each cheek, start with the left), and friends who didn't find it necessary until I said goodbye for the final time (this applied to my host parents as well, who were very warm without any physical interaction). That said, I believe the second part was due mostly to my being an American. French friends generally kiss each other hello and goodbye, and if you're the last one to arrive or the first one to leave in a big group, you're still expected to kiss each person, so get those lips ready! Note that the kiss, 95% of the time with your friends, doesn't actually touch skin. You kiss the air next to their cheek with a rather loud smacking sound. Lips touching skin are for close family and significant others.
Second major thought on this subject: no one is afraid to discuss their personal political beliefs, and to do so heatedly. Arguing and shouting at each other is very much apart of normal discussion. So is completely talking over someone when you think what you have to say is more important. This I never got used to, because I'm used to stopping immediately if I speak at the same time as someone else. I do think it's great that everyone wants to talk about politics-- both American and French-- all the time, but it's still a bit surprising at first when you realized that almost anyone you speak with is legitimately interested about the American midterms.

Part 5-- Public Transportation/Architecture
There's not much to say here, other than the fact that the Parisian metro is the most accessible, quickest public transportation system I've ever seen. It can be dirty, crowded, and smelly, but it is a surefire way of getting absolutely anywhere within the city limits, and a lot of places in the nearby suburbs. I can't say that about any public transportation system I've seen anywhere in the U.S. In terms of the architecture, of course the buildings are older and more beautiful in Paris. This does not mean more functional. The elevators tend to be old and rickety (though that's not always true) and the Europeans have this lovely trick of putting the first floor one floor above ground level. It makes for an delightful, unanticipated flight of stairs every time you forget. Another interesting fact is that the sidewalks are almost always bigger than the streets they border (if you combine the two sides). This is yet another way that Parisians are encouraged to avoid the use of cars-- and driving is a nightmare in Paris. Just ask my dad, an absolute nightmare. The sidewalks are a great idea because it allows more pedestrians to pass, and generally there are more pedestrians. The population density of Paris is obscene. Everyone lives in a tiny apartment above a store of some kind, unless you're loaded and then you live in a nice house and most likely live in the suburbs or in a slightly larger apartment in a nice area (pretty sure the Eiffel Tower view apartments aren't cheap).

THINGS I WILL TAKE AWAY
1) Independence and the ability to be solitary. It may not have seemed like it from my gchats, but I made a lot of peace with myself over the past 3.5 months. I have learned that spending time by yourself can be both healthy and comforting, and does not mean that you are failing at having a social life. This took almost the entire time to realize, but I am so grateful that I can now take that away.

2) A love and respect for my parents. They work so hard every day for both me and my brother, and it took all of this time away to realize how demanding that must be. To balance both a full-time job and two full-time children must be exhausting, and I really do appreciate how much time they spend on me. I make way too big of a deal about my own holidays and my own events. It's not at all about that. It's about being with the people you love and care about. The material world won't be here forever. At the rate the job market is going, my material world has about 1.5 years of college fund remaining. My parents never cease to amaze me in their support and their desire to make me the best person I can be. Nothing can ever thank them enough for that.

3) A love and respect for my friends. The people I met on my IES trip were great people, but I didn't remember how hard it can be to make fast friends in a new place, particularly when you don't see them all the time. I live way out in the middle of nowhere, away from most other people, and I was not sufficiently good at making friends with a little clique to have my own until it was too late. This rather difficult social situation-- don't get me wrong, there were always people to be with, it was just a matter of being brave enough to always initiate it-- gave me time to reflect on what amazing, supportive friends I have, both at Northwestern and in St. Louis. Whenever I was sad, I knew who to gchat/call and they were always willing to be there and talk to me. I've been awed by the number of people that have commented that they read my blog or that checked in periodically to see how I was doing. I did not fully appreciate how much I am loved, and I will not forget it.

So ends my blogging in and about Paris. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. I'm considering starting another one about my life in general, as I really enjoy the picture/commentary format, but since it would mean giving up facebook games or something else that I waste my time on, I probably realistically won't do it. Thank you so much to everyone that has supported me on my journey, and I hope to hear more about all of your lives soon. I am so blessed to have received this opportunity.

Love,
Katherine